I Was that Judgmental Mom, the One I Swore I Would Never Be

I was that Judgmental Mom - That moment when you realize you are "that mom" and how to prevent it in the future.

I was that judgmental mom last week.

Ugg, I’m so annoyed with myself. I always promised myself I would never be one of “those moms.”

You know the type, the ones who are constantly judging others while holding themselves up as the perfect moms.

I’m a pretty non-judgmental person, so I thought I was doing pretty good. Last week, I had one of those moments.

Another Mom brought her baby to church in Pajamas.

I know absolutely horrible. I’m still in shock that she would do such a horrible thing.

Really, how stupid is my thought process? Who in the world cares? Obviously, I did. I’m ashamed of myself for caring even for those few minutes.

Being a parent is hard.

I never got the parenting handbook and feel like I’m constantly winging it. As parents, we are constantly second guessing our decisions and hoping for the best.

I don’t need other people making snap judgments about me and my parenting decisions. Particularly not judgments about stupid things like PJ’s at church.

I know this mother and she is absolutely amazing. Based on the time and her position within our church she wasn’t even there for church services, she was most likely there for meetings and had to bring her baby along.

Good for her, she chose to serve rather than stress about having a perfectly dressed child.

And yet I chose to judge.

To make it worse I judged her as I sat in church. Talk about the ultimate hierocracy.

Isn’t it funny how often our poorest choices are made when we should be the strongest?

It is so easy to cast stones when we are doing the armchair quarterback thing.

I don’t want to be that person.

Nor will I be the person who is constantly looking at others and belittling their decisions and making fun of their parenting decisions.

I’m smart enough to know that I’m not a perfect parent and never will be.   I made all kinds of mistakes with my step-daughters and am sure I’ll make even more with my own child.

Being a parent means a lot of second guessing yourself, a lot of praying and a whole lot of “I hope this works”.

It seems like for every win, there are 2-3 losses.

I sincerely hope that people choose to look at my wins in life rather than my losses.

This incidence was a timely reminder to me that my job as a parent isn’t just to raise my child but to be loving and supportive to the parents around me.

Rather than choosing to judge harshly when I see parenting I don’t agree with (except in the case of abuse), I need to be supportive and uplifting. I need to give others the benefit of the doubt and remember all the many, many parenting mistakes I’ve made.

So rather than be judgmental, my goal is to help.

  • I want to be the mother that other mothers can turn to when they are at that tipping point and need a break.
  • I want to be the mother that other mothers feel comfortable sharing their fears, dreams, and problems, to be the one they trust to be a listening ear.
  • I want to be the mother that is loving and supportive to other mothers, that doesn’t judge, belittle or gossip.
  • I want to be the mother who is there, who is in the moment and who experiences the highs and the lows and is still a friend.

So rather than rail on myself for my judgmental moment, I’m so thankful for this experience. I’m thankful for the timely reminder that I can do better, I can be more understanding of others.

Most importantly I’m thankful for the reminder that I’ve still got a lot of work on myself to do before I start trying to fix others.

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